You manage to get the words, "Be you again." I look down from your face and a soft cry bursts. Pull myself together after a few tears & I look up. You're gone.

Suddenly the sound of a ticking clock appears and your eyes are big with fright. Their vibrance is dim now. Goodbye now? Come back to me again.

What? I swear I heard a soft sound come from you. Did I hear you correctly? Did I hear you say my name like you do? Within a sigh like you do.

Has the green in your eyes become more vibrant? How can that be with such a pastel entity as yourself? You smile as I lecture and the maddening sob begins.

I can't help but watch how unseen your breath is as you speak. How unheard your voice is I keep saying to you, "What are you saying?"

You stare back at me with questioning eyes and all I can respond with is a sob and "I'm sorry." Your cold hand cups my cheek and it's a shock of how real it is.

Who I am is just a story she used to tell me. House is a life full of pretend she used to tell me. Pretend is better she used to tell me.

It's all pretend she used to tell me. You and Me are not real she used to tell me. What you feel is pretend she used to tell me.

This soul of mine is no more yellow. It's getting cold. Blue it will be. For how long, I do not know. Pretend smile, pretend laugh, pretend happiness.

I miss you. It's simple as that. I love you. It's simple as that. But, my soul will forever be alone. You're my soulmate, don't you know? Why can't I be yours?

My being has not been good to you. She has not been fair to you. If only my mouth wasn't dry with every thought about you. I know you need me, and I am.so sorry

Please? Whoever or whatever is possibly watching down on me, send a sign or a symbol that can give me strength to go on and become that true individual.

Will I be confident in showing you the true being of myself? Perhaps, I will be a coward in for a lifetime.

Five fifty three in the morning and I have yet not been dreaming underneath these lids. You will never stop haunting my soul, will you?

You're on my mind once again. That one incredible night is forever branded in between the skin to the skull. Though, I worry that my being is no where with you.

It's meant more to my soul, I believe. My soul wants to be within his. Yet, he's in a different seat on this flight, and the turbulance is strong and rocky.

You haunt outside my mind now? Thoughts of you is not enough? Inside these lids are your images. When I am awake in the dark, it's you in the corner, isn't it?

What happened to the happiness - to the laughs? The yellow has disappeared from her soul - from sunbright to nightlight in an instant.

You. You hurt me every day. Every day you make me smile. Smiles from your piercing eyes is what weakens me. Your breath is the wind I need. You.

Such devious and wonderous characters surround me. Loving, unique, and quirky traits with laughs to make a day in my life yellow.

Our souls do not realize the tiny traits that make us human. How the emotions of our souls let us create such characters in life.

There is no desired limit of bravery. Whether it's many or hardly. Competitive and pompass minds should learn the life of everyone is just. Our own is just.

To be scared is being brave. Bravery takes a hold of many qualities. Bravery is taking this fucked up world us human beings live on, and just living the life.

Overwhelming emotions hug the heart so deep. This empathy is a curse to the dark soul within my being. Everything I know is all out the window.

Overwhelming emotions hug the heart so deep. This empathy is a curse to the dark soul within my being. Everything I know is all out the window.

I wish for normalcy. As I can see, normalcy wishes for me too. I see it in its eyes on how much it wants me. For me to morph into existence.

Lonely is a lonely kind of word. Alone is a word that stands by its self. I love being alone. I hate being lonely.

Wishes vs. Wants. I often get them mixed up. I wish for love. I want sex. I wish for beauty. I want adventure. I wish for you. I want you.

I am a lie. I am a fake. I love him. He loves her. She loved me. I hated her. I miss her. I have a wish. I wish for him. I want her. I want sex. She wants love.

You are the reminder. The constant stares. The constant flirtation. You are the winner.

With each potential lost This world stays lost Is it possible that the potential that belongs to this soul can be enough to find the world and bring it back?

The world is filled with thousands of souls. Each one with the stamina to create a different world. A better world. Though, the potential gets often lost.

Shadow

I look around and I see so much confidence in everyone.
Envy sinks in and it's wishful thinking that I could do that.
I could have all the confidence in the world, and not have the worry that takes hold of this dark soul.
I think about the days for you to come in and make this soul brighter,
but quickly that thought goes away.
So many contemplating thoughts are thrown away always.
A part of me wants the change you can provide for me.
Another part wants to stay in this shadow
forever and forever.

Peter Pan

Peter Pan.
I remember watching the play starring Mary Martin as Peter Pan when I was a just little tyke.
Every day, while eating SpaghettiOs, and with my soft yellow blanky,
Anita always popped in either the 1955 disney film of Peter Pan, or the later one which was taped with a live audience I believe in 1960.
Anita.
An older lady.
Her skin always soften as years had passed her.
She was never just a babysitter to me.
She was Anita.
Anita was there when I came home from school.
Anita was there every day I didn't want to go to school.
Anita was there when I was sick.
Peter Pan.
I sit and watch the latest Peter Pan film, and the excitement isn't the same.
Where are my spaghettiOs?
Where is my yellow blanky?
Where is Anita?

Drug

You entered my mind tonight.
You shouldn't have done that, for I was doing just fine without.
The unknowing faces with wondrous eyes, and the uncomfortable silence is so deafening.
You're making me look crazy.
Even though, I have missed you oh so dearly.
Maybe it's time you stay away for good.
The corruption of you is needed to be bigger and bigger.
I'm afraid the price I have to pay for you is lost.
Please, you need to leave and to never come back.
As I write this, the eyes are becoming wet and in an instant the changing of my mind begins.

We will meet again tomorrow.

Loneliness

He looks at me like I am the prettiest girl in the world.
He treats me like I am important to him.
He says he loves me.
The disappointment of being loved only with friendship consumes me.
He loves her.
He wishes for her to be with him forever.
I am cast into the shadows of his forgetfulness.
Just a friend is what I'll always be.
My quirkiness, my beauty, my warmth isn't enough for him.
Her normalcy is what is perfect for his ignorance.
Just a friend is what I'll always be.
It's called Loneliness.

The more you turn this soul darker, the farther down the black path I soar.

As my soul becomes darker, I wait for you to turn it brighter. But only for just a little while, the brightness quickly disappears.

This is a test. Trying out this posting from my mobile phone.